I've complained that we've had David home with us for less time than he'd been away. He left January 2, 2008 and got home in late August -- almost nine months away. He was home from August thru January 19, 2009 -- only five months together. And now he's gone again. But now that we're settling back into life sans David, I noticed that this morning didn't seem too unfamiliar. It's been as recent as May of '08 that I was living the exact same way. And much to my surprise, this morning took on something of a familiar feel, like I hadn't unlearned the habits I'd picked up the first time around.
When I think of those first eight months without him, it makes me want to vomit. It was a glorious time of proverbial beat-downs and kidney punches; my grandmother died, I was diagnosed with some fairly sizable health issues, and my boss was, let's just say, less than understanding. No...no, she was a complete and total raving lunatic bi-otch...I'm callin' a spade a spade. Because I can. ...But the point is -- I learned. I learned a lot. And, although I can't say I emerged from those eight months unscathed, I did live through it...life lessons and scars in tow.
My friend Kendra used to have a t-shirt of a man lying on railroad tracks with a train speeding over him. He was visibly screaming and his arms outstretched. (It wasn't a gross depiction, I promise! It was very much comical. I'll see if she still has it and post a pic sometime.) And the caption was, "This, too, shall pass." For eight long months, I imagined myself in his place...only I wasn't sure any of it would pass. At the time, it seemed more reasonable and more probable that I'd be living from underneath that train indefinitely. Furthermore, I was entirely confident that my circumstances could, at any moment, kill me at will. But...I did survive...and by the grace of God alone, I might add. Because, I certainly wasn't making any of my own attempts to survive, that's for sure. And so, one morning I woke up, and it was over.
Looking back, I think I was as much surprised as I was relieved that I had made it through. And now, I know I can do it. Whether I particularly want to, or not -- I can. At least, I'm pretty sure I can. And for now, that will do.
*****
So much, much more to come. I've got tons to write, and I look forward to doing so! But for now, I have a coffee date -- and I'm absolutely giddy with excitement! I'm headed to Starbucks to commiserate with one of the wives whose husband is deployed with David and also in the band! Real life Army wife bonding time!! I thought it would never happen! (It's the little things!)
Have a beautiful day!
Love and mocha lattes!
Bonding time with other women....those moments are so important. Make sure to have MANY more. They will make the load lighter. :-) Hang in there, girl. I've overcome HELL myself and now...I don't worry about anything. Life always has a way of working out...people come into your life when you need them (*wink* *wink*)...money falls in your lap when you least expect it...and doors always open when other one close. The one thing I always tell myself that I learned from my brother, "If you believe it, you can achieve it." That motto landed me my dream job and since then it's been smooth sailing. Good luck on your journey.
ReplyDeleteYES!! I still have that shirt (its been retired to the back of the closet but I could never get rid of it!) I am so glad you're going for coffee with another wife. I know you're not sure if you like this army thing but you have to develope a bond with some of the other wives. I won't promise that they'll all turn out to be dear friends but if you are lucky you'll find one you can depend on. Its sooooo much easier when you find someone who is going thru the same thing.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, you're not allowed to shut down and mearly survive this - you have 2 people who need you to make life as normal and happy as possible. So on the days you don't want to get out of bed do it anyway because they need you.